I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
