Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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