trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
