i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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