During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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