The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he quoted the bible to break up with me
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
