Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
