im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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