a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
