he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
