I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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