Im at strip club and am horny
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
