I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
