We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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