Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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