apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
