ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
