He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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