he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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