I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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