K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
