I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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