Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
