He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
wow bdsm is so cute
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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