this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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