he wants to bone in the snuggie
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
