oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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