I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
