You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
