Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
