He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
