I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
