That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
