Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
