I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
