Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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