he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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