I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
