I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
