I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
