maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
