If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I wish there were birth control emojis
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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