for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
