you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
