just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
