I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
