I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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