that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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