An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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