I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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